Light and shadows

Growing up, I liked mi abuela. She was a well dressed, elegant woman who always smelled of Guerlain's Eau de Cologne and Shalimar. Even when she was young - I heard from mamita and others such as her cousin Graciela recently - that other women admired how she always managed to be neat and stylish and even wear heels in an environment where most other women would be plain and in flats.

I learned to admire abuela also. I heard about how hard working she was and about her great business acumen. Married to abuelo, a field worker, abuela worked as a seamstress and then, by a stroke of luck, became a landowner: she won a lottery ticket and bought la finca "Aguacate". Abuelo put a lot of sweat into making la finca "Aguacate" productive. People admired him for being a very hard working man and also for putting up patiently with abuela's domineering ways and her periodic abandonment of abuelo and the children en la finca for weeks at a time to visit relatives in town. I think abuelo simply loved her all his life.

The story goes that, with time, they saved money and invested wisely. By the time I was 4 (1959), she owned the 3 story apartment building en la Calle I, in El Vedado, a prized location (abuela owned another building in the area but I don't know where it was). Abuela lived in the top apt. with abuelo and, since it was very large, she - always the business woman - rented out several rooms to 4-5 med students. She cleaned and cooked for everyone while continuing to work as a seamstress.

I remember meeting abuela when I was 4 and we had returned to live in La Habana. I liked how she called me "Cacho" because, as she laughingly said when I asked "Why?", I was a "cachito de su corazón". I loved her softness and nice smell when I hugged and kissed her soft, sagging cheek. Abuela loved being kissed and hugged unlike mamita.

Mamita would say that she only wanted to be kissed by papito, a man; that anything else was revolting and "lesbiano" even if it was me kissing her cheek. I don't know with certitude what shaped mamita so but, as a child, I knew about lesbians for we had a lesbian couple as neighbors and mamita abhorred them. So, I taught myself not to hug or kiss her and, instead, I kissed and hugged abuela.

Years later, in my late teens or early 20's, mamita changed and wanted hugs and kisses. I did it to make her happy but, by then, I had been shaped into feeling that it was somehow "lesbian" as it related to her. Happily, I think mamita got lots of warm kisses and hugs because she became "abuela". I wouldn't be surprised if sus nietos even heard her call them "Cachito de mi corazón!".